Last bowl!

August 2, 2013

Before the last surgery I cooked and froze some of the Deepto’s favorite dishes. Both parents don’t complain about food, maybe that’s why he also walks on the same path! It’s very easy to cook his favorite dishes. When I cook his favorite dishes, or it is bought, he says “Thank you” to us so many times! I didn’t teach him to do that. While cooking those dishes I was thinking when will I be able to cook again? …………… Will ever be able to cook? If I don’t come back? …………… If I don’t come back will he be able to eat those dishes ever? What will he think when he will finish the last bowl? ……………….”

No I came back! Time to time give him those frozen dishes. Today took out the last two bowls. Two small bowls contain Polao. Like most of the young he likes it very much. Cooked it very simply. I always cook simply, healthy way. Bangladeshi or Bengali people may think after eating my cooked dishes that how come I fight cancer when my dishes are healthy?! Forget it. Since my middle school I started cooking, sometimes for fun and other times for necessity. For the last twenty one years, it’s a regular thing. Cooked so many different dishes for so many years but never took any pictures of those. This time I cooked and took pictures! Thought, maybe some time Deepto will look at those pictures and think, Ma used to cook those!”

Now people in Bangladesh are recognizing that cooking is an art! They think is there any woman who can’t cook? Or take it for granted that women must know how to cook! I started teaching Mizan some of Deepto’s favorite dishes. Mizan cooks whenever it’s necessary. His cooking is good. But it’s not a regular thing. I didn’t let it happen. Couple of days ago I told dad and son while smiling, “For the last almost twenty one years I am cooking regularly. Now it’s your turn (told Mizan).” Told Deepto, “Your turn will come too.” 

While visiting Alaska once I told Deepto, “I wish you will visit these places with your children.” He said, “I will bring you two too.” Once I told him, “What your dad is doing for you, us is incomparable. It’s very rare. Remember it forever, will take care of dad.” Once while talking like these he said, “Ma you are talking like you are going somewhere!” After that I use words more carefully! The main thing is what I say. Not how I say!


July 28, 2013

After nine days using Facebook again. Coming back from a different world. Returning from a very beautiful place of nature. For many years wanted to go, regretted for not going in last summer, at last went to Alaska! The earth is so beautiful but how many people remember that! If people remember that their mind must become beautiful. I love mountains. Watched mountains, glaciers, ocean, fishes (especially salmon), black bear, caribou, moose, elk, birds, flowers (especially wild ones), seals, otter, sea lion, bald eagle, porpoise, whales (orca and humpback), culture of different tribes of Native Americans, museums! Moved by many different emotions! Saying in a short today, the last humpback was dancing (or jumping) such a way for so long that it seemed like it won’t end ever! And the boat was following it such a way that it seemed like it would take us to the deep sea! It felt like we the people on the boat (from different places, different races, different kinds) came from a different planet to it’s kingdom! Human beings think the earth is only for them! The earth is not just for human beings. Why human beings think themselves as the king of the earth! And if they think like that it’s their responsibility to take care of the earth!

Zero tolerance!

July 8, 2013

Nobody has the right to beat you……….. You may be a child, girl, teenager, young lady, middle age woman, old woman. And he is your dad, brother, boyfriend, husband, son ………… anybody. If you aren’t an adult and you don’t understand things, it’s their responsibility to teach you. If you are an adult and they are saying that you aren’t understanding, tell them why you aren’t understanding the way they want you to and let them know your views. If they still say you don’t understand, tell them “Leave me alone with my views. Everybody’s understanding isn’t the same. If you can take who I am, walk with me, even the path is different. If can’t take it don’t block the path. Nobody has the right to shut down my path.”

You are educated, working, responsible for everything of the family, from giving birth to raise the children, satisfy every need of the husband and that “you” get beaten?! Why?! He told you that you can’t do anything without his support! And without him your children would live a miserable life. Tell me, does “father” mean a monster? He isn’t a monster? May be not in your eyes! Ask your children what (s)he sees in him, a human or a monster. There is no great sacrifice for your children by getting abused by him. Sorry to say the truth. Your children pity you, not respect you. Those who can’t respect themselves don’t get respect from others. Even from their own children. Tell me now, what do you want? Respect or pity or even hatred? Yes sometimes you could get hatred by sleeping with that monster. Thinking, when your son grows up he will be a better human being. By strange human psychology there is a big chance that he will follow his dad’s footsteps! And wishing that your daughter wouldn’t get your bad luck! There is a big chance if she gets your luck she will follow your path! She will tolerate the abuse like you! She watched her mom’s sacrifice! See, what your sacrifice brings in future! Still you won’t stand up?! After all these you won’t tell, “You have no right to beat me.” Won’t you stop the hand which abuses you? Why? What’s in him who is abusing, breaking, molding as his own taste, and sucking the life out from you by the name of children, love, family, society, culture, and religion? Please for your sake stand up for once! Show him your strength. More than that show it to yourself how strong, courageous you are! ……………… I am waiting!

He doesn’t beat you? Not any more now? “Just” mental abuse? Is mental abuse any less than physical abuse? Let me tell you, if you don’t let your children know that still (s)he knows it! Will know it! The result will be like tolerating physical abuse! Don’t spoil your children’s life with yours! If father is a monster, would children’s life would be normal if you stay with him? I am tired of listening to your stories, how many more stories do I have to listen?! Why won’t I hear the stories of standing up, protesting against? When will I have time to hear the stories of illiterate, jobless, no place to go women?!

I have itchy feet!

May 28, 2013

My mind always wonder ……………. after leaving birth country it’s been a habit…….. Time to time visit places. It started while living in Japan for one and half years. After that had a break for Mizan’s graduate school, my graduate school, Deepto’s birth. Then started again when Deepto was eight months old. Most of the time it was by car. Mizan drove all the places that we visited. By the 1996 Corolla we bought in 1997, we visited South down to San Diego up to Victoria, Canada. While we lived in the East Coast for little over one year, we visited South down to Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, and to North up to Toronto, Ottawa, Montreal. Moved back to West coast again by car. Mizan drove from Massachusetts, took a detour to South to visit Colorado! Got sick, had the leg surgery (sarcoma), walked with cane for months ………. had a break. Just one month after I got rid of the cane, went to Banff for the second time, Glacier 
National Park in Canada and Montana. After the first lung surgery, deep in mind I thought ……. could I be able again! Near coast and parks ………. were the places to depend on! After came to know that I had to go through the lung surgery again, went to see Vancouver, Canada. After this time’s surgery felt sorry, why didn’t I agree to visit Alaska last summer! How could I thought that I would be little bit better in future! Once told that I want to visit Antelope Canyon if possible. Mizan immediately bought the plane tickets and arranged everything before I changed my mind!

For the last three days visited Zion National park, Bryce canyon. Went to those places for the first time eleven years ago! Every moment remembered that how young Deepto was at that time! He wanted to go to the small mountain river in Zion! Have one picture where I was holding him by pulling his sweater! This time he was holding my hand so that I don’t fall on the stones!

Last time he ran on the snow, Mizan was pulling him! To see the Horseshoe spot in Glenn
Canyon at Page, I had to walk on the hot sands……….. Sometimes was thinking if I had made a mistake! Had no plan to walk so didn’t take snickers. Hot sand was entering in my shoes, burning hot sun was above our head, didn’t wear any socks because of hot weather! The road was sloppy! It was very hard to walk up hill because of my lungs condition! Hot sun above us, hot sand in my shoes and the uphill road! Since I come downstairs in the morning and go upstairs at night these days. 

People were crazy to take pictures at the edge of the cliff! I have acrophobia. One of the pictures I took someone’s feet was showing at the very end of the edge! While walking back Mizan forced me to wear his socks! Rushed to see Antelope Canyon right after that. Rode on a small truck (open sided) with other visitors and the Navajo driver/tour guide. At eleven in the morning the light is better in the canyon. We didn’t get the tickets for that time, have to book at that time long ago. At four in the afternoon, the light was less in the canyon. Again the sand but not hot this time! Took pictures almost in the dark, had many visitors of many groups. In some place the canyon is so narrow that one person can barely go through! People from other group were coming from the opposite side. Had to hug the canyon walls to let them go through! Had to be very careful about Deepto and Mizan so they didn’t bang their heads while saving my own! One place like that I was taking pictures while moving backward and fell against the wall! Got hurt because I fall down on the rock walls but immediately stood up. Only Deepto, Mizan and an elderly British lady saw it! Good that didn’t get hurt on head or my back (I have big scars from the two surgeries on my back)! Came back by touching the walls of the canyon and saying, “Good Bye!”

Rode back on the truck on the sandy, rocky road with bumps, the wind threw sands on our body and face ……… thanked the Navajo lady guide for taking several pictures for me! Deepto’s allergy bothered him a lot, still he thanked parents for taking him to the tour like other times! That old Toyota was parked in the long-term airport parking, since the parking lot is in the open air didn’t keep the newer car! Told Mizan while coming back home that he can’t drive the old car before washing it. Yesterday once thought that we have to say “goodbye” to this old car! Today I am thinking, how I could think that! It’s not just the vehicle which took us so many places, but it’s a part of history! Even though it’s of the very simple people like us!


May 4, 2013

Since yesterday a picture is staying with me ………….. in the rubbles of Savar tragedy1 ………. very long hair is hanging, since it’s the back of the head can’t see the face. At a little bit distance, a pair of jeans (legs of another person) is seen. Even though the picture was taken far away, I could identify those. Someone posted it on Facebook. Watched it on TV also for a glance. For the last several days watched many pictures! I am thinking about the rescuers. Not sure even if they get long time counselling, they would be all right! Who will remember these common people (actually they are extraordinary people)? Can’t counselors give volunteering service to these people? These people aren’t financially capable of getting counselling. Those who risked their own life to rescue others, find dead bodies, can’t others stand by them?

Feeling so awful after the Savar tragedy, thought it so many times ………… still thinking, what’s the meaning of life? In this world, in every civilization, for the sake of some very reach people’s luxurious life style, labor class will live like inhuman! And time to time they will die this tragic death. The word should be “get killed” not “die”. Each civilization is standing on their dead bodies. There is no place for them in the history. History is written to praise the kings and queens! Taj Mahal, Great Wall of China, Pyramids……………….. All of this history was written, but the bloody stories of laborers are never written! The story of Bangladesh’s becoming developing country from under developed country is being told again and again with pride, but it’s never been told whose bloody sacrifices are doing it! The modern day slavery in Middle Eastern countries, European countries are never been told……….. It’s been called “remittance”!! Poor, illiterate village girls become “garments workers” instead of “house maids”; but their “luck” doesn’t change! Whole day and night the machines make noises in the four walls of the unhealthy environment of the garments factories. The bank balance of the owners get higher and higher, the luxury of the European and American retail owners get higher and higher! Some people enjoy the luxury of living in the Middle East, Europe, and America while living in Bangladesh! It’s true if those girls didn’t get the jobs as garments workers they had to get married at very early age, had children at their teens and many of them were left behind their husbands and ultimately would become burdens on their parents. It’s also true that now they are earning and supporting not only themselves but also supporting their families in the villages. Because of them their younger siblings are getting education. This is really good especially for the girls. But at the cost of their tremendous sacrifice. They are under­-paid. To make a shirt sold at about $20 in the U.S.A. at the retail stores they are getting the least payment. Thinking what is “luck”?! And what makes it?! Our memory is like gold fishes memory! That’s why we shed couple of drops of tears, donate some money and then forget. And because we forget these happen again and again! Many get busy to become those owners, jumping from the middle class! Nobody really thinks about the labors, if anyone thinks, it’s just at the times like these tragedies!

1. Savar tragedy claimed 1,129 lives in 24 April, 2013 when a garments factory collapsed in Savar, Bangladesh due to structural failure

Justice for war criminals of Liberation War of Bangladesh

February 12, 2013

Can’t emotion and logic co­-exist? Can. Something may happen if they do. Only emotion can’t give almost anything. Again only logic can’t bring that much. To see something neutrally have to have balance of emotion. The young generation of Shahbag what they are doing today is having the balance between emotion and logic. There is logic that’s why they are neutral, they are emotional that’s why they are demanding justice. As a nation we are emotional people. That’s why we have glorious past. We have the Language movement of 1952, we have the Liberation War of Independence of 1971. Again because of too much emotion and lack of logic it’s taking forty-two years to bring justice to war criminals (rajakars).

If relatives, friends, society, state, government didn’t forget the inhuman deeds of the traitors (rajakars) would they (rajakars, Jamat­Shibir) be able to show this much violence today? A logical mind knows whoever is the criminal (mass killer, rapist) must get punished. To say the word boldly, logical mind never differentiates if the killer, rapist is related to him/her or not. Even though he/she can judge himself/herself. Our previous generation brought us the great Liberation, the country Bangladesh; they failed to bring justice to the traitors. Almost all of us followed them too. That’s why made friendship, relationship with the traitors (rajakars). Does it make any difference only I myself stay away from those?! If my generation did it as a whole! I ask everyone to make balance between emotion and logic. Only then something could be done.

February 20, 2013
Demanding death penalty for the war criminals of the Liberation War of Bangladesh, 1971. I believe only victims and their family members have the ultimate right to ask for death penalty for other types of killings (all sorts). But for this cause all the Bangladeshi people have the right to ask for the death penalty. I still can’t understand how a government (West Pakistan, now Pakistan) committed genocide on its own people (then East Pakistan now Bangladesh) by playing the religious card?! When the British left the Indian sub­continent, they did one of the most heinous and criminal act. They divided it into two parts by using the religious card. As a result they made India and Pakistan. Pakistan was formed with two parts physically apart by thousand miles away. Then West Pakistan and East Pakistan (now Bangladesh) has only one thing was common, majority people’s religion was Islam. When India and Pakistan was formed, a very pathetic thing in history took place in 1947. Huge number of forced migration happened in the history of the world. Many Hindus from Bangladesh were forced to migrate to West Bengal (India). Which brought an inhuman legacy to so many lives, families forever. The Muslims of Bangladesh who supported to be part of Pakistan came to understand their biggest mistake in the history within very short time. Even though by the number of citizens West Pakistan was the minority (have different ethnic groups, different languages, totally different culture etc), it ruled East Pakistan (now Bangladesh) very discriminating way. They totally abused the power. At midnight on 25th of March in 1971, Pakistani government committed genocide by killing totally unarmed sleeping citizens of East Pakistan (now Bangladesh). They continued the genocide for the next nine months! They wanted to wipe out the Bengali ethnic group! They used the religious card to motivate their army by telling that all the people (Bengali) were or became Hindus. They not only targeted Hindus but killed Muslims and all other religions people. They killed three million people in nine months and tortured so many others. Raped two to four hundreds of thousands women ages ranging from little girls to old ladies who were even in their eighties! They used rape as a tool to make ethnic cleansing!

For the global politics now and then the history of this genocide and rape were and are always kept in the shadow. Till now global politics plays a role even in the demand of bringing justice to the war crimes committed by the traitors. Their political group Jamaat­e-­Islami (Jamaat) and their students group Shibir (formed after 1971) have lobbyists all over the world! They get sponsored by many Muslim countries (who have money and global political power because of oil!). Money buys almost everything! They convinced many human rights groups that Bangladeshis are doing wrong by bringing justice to theses criminals. Many groups are saying that demanding death penalty is wrong! In Bangladesh there is death penalty like many other countries (like USA). Unfortunately the opposition party (B.N.P. which was born after the killing of the leader of the Liberation War in 1975 committed by some military personnel) has a tie to Jamaat and is not supporting the judgement of the war criminals. No wonder why! Jamaat has spent (still spending) huge money to save its leaders and members, who were war criminals, by using all global, internal political connections! And unfortunately almost all the powerful countries are on their side! I wonder why “humanity” sometimes sleeps and sometimes stays fully awake! Those human rights groups totally forget that still war criminals of the second world war are brought to justice! Sometimes justice, humanity becomes chosen words for some and not for others! Only death penalty can bring justice to the war criminals of Bangladesh. If they aren’t given death penalty (who earned it) and are given prison times (even for life) will be released when the opposition (B.N.P.) comes in power. That’s why people are demanding it. My question to all the human rights groups, who are opposing the death penalty: you see the rights of the war criminals but don’t see the three million dead people’s rights and two to four hundred thousand brutally gang­-raped women’s rights?! Where were you when they were committing these!?


December 14, 2012

Columbine massacre happened in 1999. This thing is increasing in this country and rest of world. Today’s massacre happened in an elementary school. People are saying, “What’s going on?” They are remembering the shopping mall shooting in Oregon couple of days ago. Common people and specialists will give opinions. Can’t we be more concerned about what children, teenagers are going through, learning, seeing, listening and what will be the results of it? How many parents and guardians are really concerned about what types of video games, which movies, what type of music their children are playing, watching, listening? Gave Deepto permission to watch Lincoln after talking to him. One of his friends parent said that his/her child watched PG­13 movie before (the child is not thirteen). Deepto said that some of his friends watch R rated movies! Some of his friends even watched some movies which their parents haven’t seen! Some children may be mature enough at an earlier age to handle things properly or they may seem like. But my thinking is, what’s wrong to wait for the right age! Can anyone guarantee that it won’t harm them if children are being exposed to something not at the right age? Do people really think that violent games, movies don’t make any impact on children? People need to stop living in denial. If we pay attention to those massacres, we can see that there were some warning signs. If children have some kind of mental challenge parents should address it. Mental diseases are like other diseases which need treatment.

Also it’s overdue to do something about gun control in this country. There are so many examples of showing that countries which have strict gun control laws have fewer massacres, shooting sprees, killings. It’s very hard to do something in this country regarding this issue. The NRA have so much power! Almost everything is related or tied to politics! When talking about underdeveloped or developing countries, people use the word “bribe” and when it’s about developed, rich, powerful countries, the word is “lobbying!” The makers of the violent video games, movies, music, guns won’t do anything. It’s us the consumers who could or try to do something. It’s too late for the children and their families of today’s tragedy!