My attitude

Wednesday, March 14, 2012 at 5:15 PM

 

Oncologist:  We need to keep an eye on two spots. They are very close to the scars from the
surgery. It’s too early to say anything. … The type of sarcoma you have, when it goes to the
lungs they grow too fast. In your case it was unusual. They were so small and it took five years… Maybe it’s your immune system/food/lifestyle/attitude.

Me: It’s my positive attitude! I have too much of positive attitude. For the last five+ years I spent most of my time volunteering (didn’t say what I am doing, just wanted to give him some idea about my inner self).

Oncologist: Keep doing whatever you are doing!

Being diagnosed with cancer feels like getting life sentence or death sentence without doing any crime. My life has been cut off into pieces … one CT­ Scan to another…. every two or four months…. feels like getting the judgment again and again and again…. Living in an invisible prison! Can’t make any long term plans… can’t dream big dreams … actually can’t even dream (what people call dreams). After the surgery, for two months my dream was to lie down on my sides…. put (not prepare) food on Deepto’s lunch box…. those are not dreams anymore! Dreamt to see Deepto’s 12th Birthday. On his birthday party someone was saying that she wants to see her grandchildren. Her elder son is just in his teens! I see people give FB status when they have headaches. Everything is relative in this world. I never say why me! I always think about those people who have more struggle than me. And this is one of the main reasons for my positive attitude!

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