February 13, 2014 at 11:18pm
A short while ago a figure skater fell down as if couldn’t stand up again! After few seconds stood up and finished the routine, beautifully! Immediately I said, life is like that. Falling down, getting hurt, and standing up. Standing up is the main thing. The skater may not get any place in the competition but everybody watched that the person who might not stand up not only stood up but finished the program!
Don’t know why I remember some moments of my first lung surgery. One night the nurse gave me wrong injection, I was feeling like having a heart attack, and then I screamed to call a doctor and how I wanted to live! After two nights of that, I had hallucinations and severe pain; I passed out (which everybody thought I was sleeping!), it went on for eleven hours because of another RN’s stubbornness! I fought and said you are making a mistake. After eleven hours, early in the morning I denied to push the button for pain medication while having severe pain! When my surgeon came he realized what had happened! At that night Mizan and Udoy also didn’t understand me! They were listening to the RN! Everybody needs to know that the patient knows the body better! Doctors, nurses can guess but they may not be correct all the time. The world of medicine relies on statistics. This medicine helps that many people, or that medicine can cause these many side effects etc. But many things can happen other than these. Those doctors who are really good listen to the patients. My previous G.I. said that every doctor works by knowing things but it takes twenty years to learn to listen to the patients!
On the eighth day I started vomiting blood. Maybe for the blood thinner! It took hours to stop. I thought I was going to die. I came to know my biopsy result during that time! I knew that sarcoma went to my both lungs. I was thinking that am I going to die without seeing Mizan and Deepto? Mizan came but Deepto was at school. I was thinking that is there any time to bring Deepto? Then thought that I have to live until he comes. After the vomiting stopped I decided that Deepto shouldn’t come on that day. He was dropped off to Arnob’s house by a friend after the school. I didn’t want him to see his mom’s such sufferings. Because any time I might be starting vomiting again. Also I was preparing myself to tell him about my cancer fight! Until then he didn’t know the big “C”! I told him after one and a half month. Started by saying that, “Storms comes in life, but you have to stand up no matter what ………….
Several days ago Deepto said, “Ma, sorry I overheard you saying to someone, if I were eighteen plus you wouldn’t go through the lungs surgery for the second time, what it means? You would die?” I could only say, “The pain and sufferings were so much for the first time that’s why I said it. And you know that many medications can’t help me.”
Each time I go through CT scan and think, “Should I be able ……….. May be at a point wouldn’t be able…………………. But the fight must go on ………………..”