March 17, 2014

One day, as a part of rules of the oncologist’s office I had to talk to a counselor. She was younger than me. After we talked she said, “I have nothing to say to you! You know everything. Your talk, thoughts telling me that you don’t need my counselling. Still if you feel like it you can come always.” I had to take thirty-five days of radiation therapy for seven weeks. I had to walk in front of her office each day and she smiled and I smiled back. Probably at the very first day she knew that I wouldn’t go to visit her! I had to go to another counselor as the rules of my other oncologist (regular one) for once. She also told me that I knew everything. I didn’t go to any other counselors except these first two appointments. I myself gave counseling to many people even though I have no degree in this field! People like to talk, express themselves to me, don’t know why! Once one of my friends told me that I studied in the wrong field!

In this country most of the people say that children should know about their parent’s cancer fight. I knew it but still didn’t tell Deepto for years. I wanted to tell him little bit later. But I had to tell him on 10th December of 2011. At that day his world has changed. Now I am counseling my own son for two years and two months! I told him that we could go to a professional counselor whenever he feels like it. Each time he said he doesn’t need it. He said that talking to me works. Whenever he talks, expresses his thoughts I get an outer body feeling! Feel like listening to other people’s children! Don’t get emotional. Don’t go in there. The way a counselor would talk, I try to do the same. I didn’t know that I have this power! I am the cause of the pain. Yet I have to tell him to get up each time, be strong, nothing could stop him etc., I don’t know how I do it! Each time think, what would have to be so wrong to the nature if I had some more years to tell him! ……………….. Tomorrow is another judgement day

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